Why Stories Matter
I have a story to tell. It’s about toothpaste. I have a story that I must get more toothpaste when the tube runs out, and that I must brush twice per day. This story keeps my teeth clean.
But I also have an unconscious story that while brushing my teeth, it’s the perfect time to scroll on YouTube, and that it somehow is a way for me to relax before bed. If I don’t have certain “comfort” stories, I can feel a bit uneasy and like something’s missing. Of course, I don’t think of these as stories consciously in the moment; it’s only when I step back and see myself living from within these unconscious scripts that I discover that I’m actually writing the story that leads me to act in the way that I do.
We’re all natural storytellers. From an early age, we start crafting narratives to make sense of our experiences—“I have to belong”, “the world is a dangerous place”, “I must succeed”, or “I have to be the expert”. These stories are essential in helping us navigate life. They keep us safe, help us organize ourselves for survival in groups, and at some point, self-reliance.
This automatic storyteller within I call the ego, or Separate Self. The ego, on its own, tends to script these stories as a way to protect us, help us fit in, or move us to achieve goals. But often, these stories outlive their usefulness and become obstacles rather than tools.
They can become small, rigid and limiting when we fixate on them and dismiss information that contradicts or expands those stories. When we discover that we’re unconsciously carrying these early stories that are disconnected from a larger field of possible plotlines and characters, as it were, we can transform them into stories that liberate us, inspire us, and grow us into more potent agents for living a full life of genuine success, love, and fulfillment.
Recognizing this opens up a powerful opportunity for transformation. By re-examining and re-writing these stories, we can shift from being defined by our past to authoring the future we truly desire and that the world desperately needs us to step into.
Transform Your Story: A Guide to Breakthrough
How then, does one re-write their story? Below are seven steps to transforming your story. A piece of advice: don’t just skim through the steps as information that you’ve consumed in order to associate it with something you already know. That will get you nothing and no where. Rather, give yourself some space, about 15-30 minutes, to contemplate each step and write down what you discover. It is meant to be a guided experience to re-evaluate and transform a story that’s currently stuck and holding you back.
Step 1: Identifying What You Desire
We begin with a simple question: What’s one area in your life where you desire a breakthrough? Whether it’s getting a promotion, improving your health, finding a partner, or something else entirely, we’ll focus on a specific desire.
Step 2: Unpacking Your Stories
Once you identify your desire, explore all the stories you hold around why you haven’t achieved it yet. For example, if you want a promotion, your stories might range from “My boss doesn’t notice my work” to “I’m not skilled enough.”
We’ll categorize these narratives into three types:
Third-person stories: about the situation (e.g., “The market is too competitive”).
Second-person stories: about others (e.g., “My boss doesn’t like me”).
First-person stories: about yourself (e.g., “I’m not good enough”).
Write down three to five stories in the form of single sentences.
Step 3: Tracing the Stories Back to their Source
Choose the juiciest story with the strongest emotion behind it. Next, look at the origins of this story. Where did it come from? Ask yourself this question at least 5 times.
Did your boss tell you you’re not good enough? Or did he delegate a task to someone else so you can focus on another priority? Or perhaps he said something like “You aren’t ready for that promotion.” But does that mean you as a person are not good enough to do anything? Or just that thing?
Who is the storyteller of these stories? Look earnestly. Seriously. I’ll wait.
As you continue to look, can you find an original storyteller? You may notice something more obvious than obvious: the only one who actually is telling this exact story is in fact you. Each of us is the author of our own story.
If you look closely, you’ll notice that you are taking separate facts and putting them together around a narrative about those facts. Or, you may even be distorting the facts. Telltale signs of what I call “fixations and distortions” are words like never, always, nobody, everyone, should, or phrases that indicate judgement, blame, victimhood, or helplessness: he doesn’t like me, he’s intentionally stifling me, she’s throwing me under the bus, I’ve tried everything and nothing works. This step is about actually claiming the power that comes with being the storyteller.
Are you open to re-writing a new story aligned with your true desires and potential?
Step 4: Expanding What Could Be True
With imagination engaged, ask: What else could be true? If our current story wasn’t the only possibility, what other perspectives are available? For example, instead of believing that “my boss doesn’t like me,” we might consider that they’re simply focused on other priorities, or that they are overwhelmed themselves! This exercise helps us broaden our view, revealing possibilities that we may have previously overlooked. Here, we are not asserting that those other possibilities are true; rather, it’s just an exercise in expanding beyond our small story.
Step 5: Inviting New Possibilities of Being
Now, look into what might be possible if you didn’t hold onto the story you’ve been telling about the situation. What would you do if you felt appreciated? How would you feel if you truly believed you were capable? This step activates the imagination, allowing you to explore the freedom that comes from letting go of limiting beliefs.
Step 7: Writing your Personal Story within a Larger Story
Once you can step into the field of possibility, I’m going to share with you the context of a larger story that you are part of, which comes from Dr. Marc Gafni’s visionary integration of the world’s wisdom into a coherent, concise story of what it means to be human in reality. And to be clear, this is not just a "nice" story that sounds good; it's grounded in validated insights the world over.
Here are some of the features of this story:
You are a unique possibility in a Field of possibilities. You are a unique expression of the Field.
You are participating in an ever evolving Field, and each moment you can choose either evolution or stasis.
You have a unique perspective and a unique quality of being that no one that ever was, is, or will be can have other than you.
You have a unique set of gifts that can fulfill the needs in your unique circle of influence that no one who ever was, is, or will be can fulfill other than you.
As such, you have a unique response-ability—ability to respond—that goes beyond your comfort zone, but is the source of your greatest fulfillment, aliveness, and joy.
Reality is inviting you to respond from this deeper place, your deeper wisdom and your deeper gifts than your unconscious habits of separation and contraction.
Reality is inviting you to fulfill your deepest heart’s desires by letting go of petty stories and embracing your unique greatness as an expression of the interconnected unified Field.
From within this larger context, create a fresh, empowering story that encapsulates your unique perspective and your unique gifts--- what is needed right now? Consider how you want to feel, think, and act moving forward, starting with a simple script:
"I am opening to the possibility of being [quality], I [behaviors]”
For example:
"I am opening to the possibility of being bold and resilient as I build a thriving values-driven business.”
Repeat it back to yourself until you can really feel a shift in your being. It should touch your heart and stimulate the feeling of aliveness in your body.
From there, throughout the day, remind and re-presence your new story at any moment, and see how your story unfolds.
Why This Matters
As long as we act as if our small stories are true, we’re likely to keep experiencing the same unsatisfying outcomes. By discovering that you have these stories, that you are the storyteller, you free yourself to create something new—to be the master of your own life, participating in something larger.
As a Unique Self Coach, I guide people into seeing that the stories they cling to are ultimately within their control, and that they are part of a much larger story that is the source of all their aliveness, purpose, and meaning. They have the power to reframe, reshape, and rewrite these narratives to align with their true potential.
I believe this process is invaluable, whether you’re in the corporate world, nonprofit sector, or on a personal growth journey.
What is the next step in your evolutionary journey to expressing your uniqueness?
Work with me!
I coach leaders and individuals to discover their authenticity, power, and purpose, no matter where they are in life.
I am certified as a Leadership Maturity Coach by Beena Sharma and Susanne Cooke-Greuter of the Vertical Development Academy and a Certified Unique Self Coach by Claire Molinard of the Unique Self Institute.
If you're interested in learning how I can coach you, please click on the link below to schedule a free call:
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