In a World of Contraction, Activate Your Unique Self

We live in a world of contraction.

Look around. We're constantly seduced—consciously or unconsciously—by a culture of separation, lack, and not-enoughness.

Maybe it shows up as the voice in your head that says you’re not good enough unless you measure up to some impossible cultural standard. Maybe it shows up in the belief that you have to prove yourself in order to feel love—and until then, you’re unworthy of it.Or maybe it shows up more subtly, through distraction. You open your phone to check a message, and suddenly you’re bouncing between sixteen notifications, hijacked by an ecosystem of apps designed to hijack your nervous system.

This world of contraction preys on our reptilian response system—our amygdala, our fight-or-flight reflex—and wires us into habits of fear, comparison, separation, and shame.

And if we’re not careful, we begin to believe this is who we are. We believe we have to be like everyone else, that our value comes from external proof, productivity, conformity.

But here’s the truth:

That system was never designed for your flourishing. It was designed to keep you consuming, compliant, and disconnected.

A Unique Self Coaching Approach

Unique Self Coaching offers an elegant and powerful pathway out of this trance of contraction.

It’s not a quick fix. But it is a practice—a three-part movement toward your most authentic self, your Unique Self. Unique Self is a term coined by visionary philosopher Dr. Marc Gafni. It's not merely about your talents, or your personality type; it's the mysterious yet very real attractor for your authentic self-expression, a fulfilling life. It's the life that you were designed to live, when you can shift from identifying with the patterns of contraction. I say "you" but I also mean me, of course. We're all on this journey. Here's the three-step process:

Step 1: Soften the Contraction with Presence

The first step is to identify where and how you are contracting—mentally, emotionally, energetically.

Where do you feel small, separate, disconnected from your own value?

We start by bringing presence, curiosity, and compassion to these places of contraction. We don’t try to fix them or escape them. We witness them gently, with breath and awareness.

As we do this, something softens. The contraction loses its grip.

For example, as a leader, I might notice that I’m constantly trying to be in control during team meetings—always needing to have the answers, always needing to look like I know what I’m doing. Beneath that behavior is a deeper fear: “If I don’t look competent, my team won’t respect me.” That’s the separate self operating—gripping, defending, posturing. But when I pause and bring presence to that contraction—rather than avoiding it—I begin to question it. I ask, What if the opposite is true? What if by acknowledging my uncertainty or sharing a challenge honestly, I actually appear more competent—more human, more trustworthy? That opens up the space for a new way of being to emerge.

Step 2: Open to the Possibilities as True Self

As the contraction begins to loosen, a spaciousness emerges.

This is your True Self—the field of awareness and wholeness beneath the story of lack. It’s not something you need to create or achieve. It’s already there, waiting to be remembered.

Even if you still experience contractions, you are no longer identified with them. You begin to ask:

• What if I don’t have to prove myself to be loved?

• What if I am worthy even when I’m still?

• What if there is a field of aliveness and possibility already inside me?

You begin to dwell in the possibility of possibility. You move from knowing to not-knowing. You start to listen deeply to the space inside and around you.

As a personal life example, I find a contraction comes up when a partner tells me to clean up after myself. My contractions come up, and a defensive voice in me says "Why are you picking on me? I'll clean it up when I'm ready. You have impossibly high standards anyway." That’s my automatic, contracted self. But I've learned to pause and breathe into the moment—when I question that pattern and open to a new possibility—and something shifts. Instead of arguing, I can begin to listen. I can feel a deeper sense of myself, one not caught in accusations or defense. And in that space, I can realize it's not a personal attack, that its ultimately a helpful request, and real connection becomes possible again.

Step 3: Respond with Wisdom as Unique Self

From that place of spaciousness of True Self, something starts to emerge.

A whisper.

A longing.

An insight.

A Unique Self response.

You begin to sense what is yours to do—not in some grand heroic way, but in your actual context: Your relationships. Your sphere of influence. Your team. Your community.

What’s being asked of me, here and now? What is my next authentic action? What can I offer that only I can give? That's needed?

This is where purpose and aliveness rejoin. See, when you're contracted, you don’t need to escape the world—you can engage it from a deeper ground of being and becoming. You can tap into your deeper essence, which is the source of all wisdom, compassion, purpose, and meaning.

This is Not a One-Time Epiphany

This process—Separate Self, to True Self, to Unique Self—isn’t a linear checklist or one-and-done realization.

It’s a practice.

A rhythm.

A devotion.

You can glimpse your Unique Self in a moment of grace or clarity. But unless you return to it, again and again, that glimpse becomes just a memory. A nostalgic “peak experience” that fades into the background—or even breeds cynicism when you can’t get it back.

States become traits only through practice.

And in a world of constant contraction, we must actively train for our own expansion.

An Invitation to Practice

So today, I invite you to take a moment. Just a moment.

• Bring compassion to your contractions

• Open to the spaciousness of your True Self

• And listen, deeply, for what is being asked of you, beneath the automatic, habitual contractions.

What is your Unique Self response to this moment?

Because when you live from that place—not from shame, fear, or comparison, but from your deepest aliveness—you’re not just healing yourself.

You’re participating in the evolution of a more whole, more beautiful world.

Let your contraction become your crucible. Let your emergence become your offering.

You were never meant to be anyone else.

You were always meant to be you—radically, uniquely, unapologetically.

🌀 Would you like to activate your Unique Self? Click below to schedule a discovery call.

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 About Unique Self Coaching

Unique Self is a term coined by visionary philosopher Dr. Marc Gafni, who co-founded the Unique Self Institute with master integral coach Claire Molinard. I have been a student of Dr. Gafni since 2010 and was certified by Claire as a Unique Self Coach in 2021.

Claire and I co-lead the 12-month Unique Self Emergence coach certification program. If this is of interest to you, please email David@evolutionaryemergencecoaching.com or click on the link above to schedule a call!

Below is the original video that inspired this blog post (assisted by ChatGPT):