We live in a world filled with pain and uncertainty. Anxiety, overwhelm, loss, illness, financial instability, and political turmoil—these are just some of the challenges we face daily. The question is: how do we navigate these difficult emotions without being consumed by them?
The answer lies in a deeper understanding of who we are. I think of it like a martial art. I personally train in the Japanese art of Aikido, known as "The Art of Peace". The founder is quoted as saying "The purpose of Aikido is to polish the spirit." Aikido training reminds us that we never "arrive" at a destination; it’s an ongoing practice of training our perception of who we are—of clarifying "the spirit" as it uniquely radiates through us, so we can meet life’s challenges with presence and grace.
In the same way, awakening to our Unique Self is a practice of polishing the spirit. Our Unique Self is our truest identity, our deepest perception of what it means to be human. As we clarify our Unique Self, we realize that we are not limited by the narrow identities that keep us suffering; ultimately, we realize that we are expressions of the unified field of reality uniquely living through us—and the freedom, power, and purpose that comes from this realization. This perspective, rooted in the work of Dr. Marc Gafni and the Unique Self Institute, allows us to shift how we relate to our emotions, especially anxiety.
The Four Selves and How They Relate to Anxiety
In any given moment, the way we experience anxiety depends on the identity we are inhabiting. There are four primary identities that shape our perception and response: Separate Self, False Self, True Self, and Unique Self.
1. Separate Self: The Unending Identity Project
The Separate Self is the conventional ego—constantly working to establish a solid, fixed identity. This self is terrified of dissolution because it equates losing control with death. When anxiety arises, the Separate Self seeks to suppress, fix, or numb it. Whether through distractions, substances, or busyness, it does whatever it can to avoid feeling the discomfort fully.
2. False Self: The Echo of Trauma
The False Self is the identity shaped by early life wounds and conditioning. It carries deep-seated beliefs like “I am not good enough,” “I am alone,” or “I am unlovable.” When anxiety appears, the False Self spirals into distorted interpretations of reality, reinforcing old patterns of suffering. In this state, anxiety isn’t just an emotion—it becomes who we are.
3. True Self: The Witnessing Presence
True Self is the awakening to the vast, timeless awareness beyond the individual self. In this space, we realize: I am not my thoughts, emotions, or body. I am the awareness that holds them. From this perspective, anxiety is seen as a fleeting sensation in the vast field of existence. There is nothing to fix, nothing to do. Just presence. Just being.
If True Self feels so free and perfect, why wouldn't we just stop here? Well, you and I both know that that's not the end of the story—in fact, your story matters!
4. Unique Self: The Evolutionary Expression
While True Self offers peace, Unique Self invites us back into the world, back into our personal stories—to live, love, and give our gifts. Unique Self integrates our individuality with the universal, seeing anxiety not as a flaw but as raw energy that fuels our growth. Instead of being overwhelmed by difficult emotions, we use them as catalysts for transformation.
Transforming Anxiety Through Unique Self Practice
When we meet anxiety from our Unique Self, we no longer resist it or let it define us. Instead, we see it as an evolutionary signal, an opportunity to expand into deeper wisdom and greater love. One powerful practice is to recognize that anxiety is not only yours—it is part of the shared human experience. When we feel anxiety, we can expand our awareness to include all beings experiencing similar struggles. We can even send out a silent blessing, transforming our fear into compassion and connection. It makes the suffering not only bearable, but an ecstatic and meaningful experience.
As Dr. Marc Gafni says, “We live in a world of outrageous pain. The only response is outrageous love.” By embracing our Unique Self, we turn suffering into service, fear into fuel, and anxiety into an invitation to step more fully into our calling. Every hardship we face is not an obstacle but an integral part of our unfolding. Nothing is wasted. Nothing is left out.
So, the next time anxiety arises, don’t push it away. Instead, let it polish you. Let it refine your spirit. Let it guide you deeper into the life you are uniquely meant to live.
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